Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
