Your tits are I can't wait for
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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