i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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