oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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