and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
