I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
