Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
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a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
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Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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