forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
