Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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