Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
