Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
