she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
