I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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