I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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