My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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