last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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