YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm just crazy horny about you
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
