My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
