I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
ttyl tear gas
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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