how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
