i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
