Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
