My brain says no but my pants say off.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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