I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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