Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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