Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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