I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
