Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
