Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just found puke in my bra..
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
