I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
