you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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