I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
