WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
