I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Drunk is not a location!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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