so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
