So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
