Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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