This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
