I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
