drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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