see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
