Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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