Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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