Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
