You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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