He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It's never too late to be topless.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
