K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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