people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
