I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
