I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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