if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
