Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
