i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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