So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
