Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
