I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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