got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
