All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
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I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
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you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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