it hurts more in the daytime
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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