your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
