Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
