Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize