peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
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he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
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We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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