____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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