hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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