i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
