Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
