dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
