Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
