And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
