I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
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you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
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I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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