I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
