Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
