Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
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Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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