3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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