Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
