You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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