Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
