God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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