Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
