haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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