Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
