You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
